A Fearful Redux
by Rorschach's Blot
Summary: Don't like the world? Go find another.
1. Never Tickle a Sleeping Dragon

Disclaimer: Carry on my wayward son.

Never Tickle a Sleeping Dragon

Note: This fic (A Fearful Redux) is a much happier version of the couple from 'The Meaning of Fear,' Odd Ideas # 87, 91, 92, 158-The Pros From Dover (Omake), 172-Stand Over (Omake).

There was an odd grin on Luna's face as she plopped herself down next to her only friend in the world.

"I realize that you are quite unhappy, but try to cheer up. Brooding like this doesn't do anything to resolve the situation."

"Exactly how am I supposed to cheer up?" he demanded, rising to his feet, eyes shining with barely suppressed rage and power.

"You must try to look on the bright side, of course," the blonde said matter of factly.

"Just how am I supposed to do that?" Harry barked, pacing back and forth like a tiger measuring the bounds of its cage. He could see no bright side, not after learning how little freedom he'd actually had.

"Perhaps an example?" Luna said calmly. "I was captured and used as a hostage to force my father to aid the darkness in its takeover of the country. While a captive, I was tortured and forced to watch as the other prisoners suffered fates so horrible that I do not believe I shall be able to sleep soundly for quite some time. On the bright side, you rescued me before they had a chance to carry out their threat of taking turns defiling me after forcing my father to go first before making him watch."

"Luna, I . . ." Harry stilled, almost reaching for Luna but unsure what to do, as what little he'd learned about comforting someone had come from people who were using it as yet another means of manipulating him.

"Your turn," she said brightly, looking as if a small but significant weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

"I just found out that the girl of my dreams has been dosing me with love potion." He sighed and turned to look off into the depths of the Forbidden forest. "I learned that it was with the knowledge, approval, and assistance of people who I considered my friends and family. I learned that it's considered a fairly normal way for a girl to attract attention in the magical world and I learned that being assured that I would have been weaned off it, had I not developed an immunity, did not calm me down in the slightest." Harry took a deep breath. "On the bright side, I learned that I have at least one true friend." He smiled at the girl. "Which, on reflection, is something that feels very good to say out loud." He straightened up and took a deep breath, stretching as if coming out of a confined space and enjoying being free to move once more.

"I am quite fond of you as well, Harry," she said happily. "I shall be happy to show just how fond I am after you are no longer so emotionally vulnerable."

"What?" Harry replied confused.

"You are a sure thing for a quick tumble, but I wish to be more than just a rebound girl," she explained. She sighed at the look of confusion on his face. "I am expressing the fact that I am romantically interested in you and that I would prefer the possibility of a long term relationship to the almost certainty of a short term fling. Do you understand, Harry?"

"I . . . yes, Luna," the now bright red boy replied as he turned away. "Thank you," he said with a small smile on his face, feeling unusually warm at the thought she was actually taking his feelings into account, as the people he'd thought were his friends had not, indeed as the entire Wizarding World had not.

"No problem, Harry," she said sincerely.

They sat in silent contemplation for a few minutes until Harry had sorted through his thoughts enough to be willing to speak again. "So what do we do now?"

"What do you want to do?" Luna replied. "Stay or leave?"

"I'd like to leave, but . . ." his voice trailed off as he envisioned the obstacles in their path.

"But?" she prompted.

"Do you think they'd let us stay away? Shack's already said something about having me declared a national asset. He said it was to make it easier for me to be an Auror without my NEWTs-" he stopped and tilted his head as if something had just occurred to him.

"He's worried about the fact that you have more power in the tip of your nose than most wizards expend in a lifetime." She giggled mischievously. "He thinks he can trick you into a few binding oaths."

"I . . . oh. I didn't think it was that bad," he admitted with a frown, wondering why he wasn't more paranoid after what had just occurred.

"If there were a way to leave, would you?" Luna persisted.

"Would you come with me?" Harry licked his lips. "I don't want to lose the only friend I have."

"Of course." She blinked twice. "Well?" she asked, not wanting to risk asking the question a third time, as a third refusal could cause a minor binding.

"Yes," he admitted. "But we can stay if you'd rather," he added in a rush. "I don't want you to have to leave because of me."

"I have as much keeping me here as you do, Harry," Luna said lightly.

"What about your father?" he asked surprised.

"He left me a very nice letter of apology before leaving to join mother," she said with only a slight hitch. "Seems he was feeling quite guilty at what he had been forced to do."

"I'm sorry," he said, cautiously laying a hand on her shoulder.

"I am too," she laid her hand atop his and gave it a small squeeze.

"So what now?" he asked, resuming his pacing once she'd released his hand.

"We pack everything we don't want to leave behind and destroy everything we don't want them to have," Luna said with a bright smile. "I happened across the most lovely rune construct the other day which will allow us to bring my house with us so we don't have to trouble ourselves with looking for a new one when we reach our destination." Perhaps a bit more if her calculations on his power level were even close to correct.

"When you said everything . . ." he trailed off.

"I was not using hyperbole," she assured him.

"Hogwarts?" he asked, imagining the chaos it would cause.

"One never knows unless one is willing to try," she said, trying to sound earnest.

"Really?" Harry squeaked, eyes wide in astonishment at the wonder of magic, something that still filled him with joy years after his reintroduction to the Wizarding world.

"No, but the look on your face was absolutely hilarious," Luna giggled. "The library and most of its treasures may be within the realm of possibility though."

"Hermione will-" he paused at Luna's uplifted eyebrow, "likely freak." He laughed. "Serves her right for helping them fill me with potions." An uncomfortable thought arose. "You don't suppose . . ."

"No. She just assumed that she knew what was best for you better than you did," Luna said frankly. "She's convinced the others that you'll come back after you calm down and accept that they're right."

"Not bloody likely," Harry growled, enraged at his former friend's completely characteristic behavior. "You're sure?"

"I checked quite closely," Luna said with a small sigh, wondering how someone so smart could have been so stupid.

"Thank you, Luna."

The pair spent the next week quietly emptying vaults and looting manor houses. In Luna's words, 'If they're in prison for trying to kill us, why not rob them blind before they have a chance to bribe their ways free?' Harry privately thought burning them to the ground afterwards was a bit excessive, but he figured he also hadn't had the pleasure of their company for quite as long as Luna had, so who was he to judge? Plus she was right, cooking things over a roaring fire was much better than cooking them on a stove, tho' he was sure some of her suggestions were just silly little things she came up with to make him laugh, like the one about marshmallows.

It wasn't until after they'd hit the Prophet and were half way through Hogwarts that an uncomfortable idea formed. How in the hell were they going to get away? It was a question Luna found hilarious

"We are planning to get away, aren't we?" he continued, just a bit nervously.

"Of course we are, Harry," Luna said between giggles. "You didn't think this was some crazy stunt to do as much damage as possible before going out in a blaze of glory, did you?"

"No. It's just... aren't they going to be motivated to hunt us to the ends of the earth?" he asked nervously.

"Probably," she agreed unconcerned.

"So?" he asked.

"So we're going to another one," Luna explained.

"Space travel?!" he exclaimed, wide eyed.

"Don't be ridiculous." Luna sniffed. "Everybody knows there's no air in space. Not to mention the distances involved."

"What are we going to do then?" he asked.

"We're going to hop dimensions of course," she said matter of factly.

"Of course," he echoed weakly. "Do you know how to do that?"

"No, but how hard could it be?" she replied unconcerned. Considering what Wizarding kind had accomplished, despite being complete morons most of the time, she was sure the pair of them could do anything they set their minds to with a bit of effort.

'Those are not words to inspire confidence,' Harry thought to himself. It was his own fault, he lamented, he got caught up in the moment, intoxicated by the thought that he'd be able to even the scales just a bit. The boy took a deep breath. Ah well, not like he ever expected to live this long anyway. Blaze of glory wasn't a bad second choice, all things considered.

"Annnnnnd done," Luna announced, a portion of the ancient castle vanishing into the snow globe she was holding. The girl squinted at his face for a few moments. "Are you imagining making a last stand on top of a pile of dead Aurors?"

". . .no?" he offered, looking incredibly guilty.

"Be honest," she chastised him.

"I'm just not as confident that hopping dimensions is going to be quite as easy as you seem to think it will be," Harry confessed. "Figured it'd be good to make a backup plan."

"Alright," Luna agreed. "Just let me set the Ravenclaw common room ablaze and we'll see if my plan is viable."

"Sure." Harry smiled, feeling a lot better than he had since getting his revelation. All else failed, they had a plan to go off. Sure, it ended in almost certain death but how many of his plans hadn't?

Luna allowed herself exactly forty two seconds to watch the fire before heading straight to the room of requirements with just a short stop to urinate on her former head of house's pillow and steal most of his prized possessions. She figured the bottle full of Neville's last attempt at making a wart removing potions would take care of the rest.

"This is the plan?" Harry asked, eyeing the door as the room began to melt at the edges, an acidic purple gas slowly crawling over the walls as it escaped the broken bottle.

"Just follow my lead," Luna asked. "This doesn't work, we can try your plan."

"Alright." With a deep breath, the two stepped through the door and . . .

IIIIIIIIII

Hermione's pulse quickened as the runes shifted color. It was working, they were doing it! 'Bugger the tournament, bugger the judges, and bugger the idiots that forced my best friend into a death match; I am the smartest girl who ever lived!' A thousand thoughts raced through her head as two figures began to take shape at the center of the protective circle she'd spent the previous day meticulously crafting.

She stepped forward after the figures solidified. There were two, one large and one small. Both appeared to be dressed in hooded cloaked reminiscent of the ones that adorned Azkaban's guards. Neither made a sound and neither appeared to be paying her the slightest bit of attention.

"Hello," she greeted the pair in the circle. "I'm Hermione Granger and I would like to make a bar-"

IIIIIIIIII

Dumbledore's heart pounded as he raced to stop what he believed had the potential to be the greatest magical disaster in the past thousand years. 'Too many posts and not enough competent help,' he blasted himself. 'Too afraid to give up even a hit of power for fear it might be needed to fight what I knew was coming, too busy to do my bloody duty as an educator!'

He'd been in his office a few minutes earlier contemplating another glass of brandy when the wards informed him of what was about to happen and just how little time he had to prevent it.

'I didn't make it,' his heart nearly stopped at the admission. 'I've failed, I've failed because I got too wrapped up in my games. I've failed and the whole world is going to pay if I'm not able to salvage the situation.'

His blood went cold when he heard the girl begin to speak in the distance. The shot of adrenaline her words provoked proved to be exactly what he needed to prevent what he knew would be a very big mistake.

"Silence!" Dumbledore roared as he burst into the room.

"Professor?!" the so called brightest witch of her age squawked. "What are you-"

"Be silent Ms. Granger," Dumbledore hissed. "I beg you to forgive her, sir, she is young and has not yet learned to act as she should. As her teacher and the one most responsible for that lapse, please grant me the privilege of taking any punishment in her place."

The smaller figure quit examining the circle they were in and spoke, "My master understands that youths are often impetuous," she whispered. "Return his wand, stone, and cloak, and he shall consider the matter closed."

The old man presented his wand with as deep a bow as his ancient knees and back would allow. "It may take me a day to retrieve your master's cloak and longer for the stone," Dumbledore cautioned. "Neither is in my possession and I do not know the stone's current location."

"That is acceptable," Luna allowed. "For now."

"Your master's mercy knows no bounds," Dumbledore said gratefully. "Thank you."

"For now," Luna repeated. "We shall return tomorrow. That will be sufficient time for you to retrieve my master's cloak."

"I shall instruct the staff that you are not to be hindered in any way," Dumbledore promised. To the man's private relief, the two left the room without uttering another word.

IIIIIIIIII

"I think that went well," Harry said, breaking the silence after he was sure they wouldn't be overheard. "I'm sorry for doubting you."

"I'm sorry for doubting me too," Luna chirped. "I must say that I didn't expect anything like the reception we got."

"It was a bit surprising, wasn't it?" Harry admitted, only having a vague idea of what had occurred and why they'd mistaken him for Death.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Luna asked curiously. "At the very least, I would have assumed that you'd have objected to being mistakenly identified as the grim reaper."

"Well," Harry paused to think of the best way to put his thoughts to voice, "I did agree to follow your lead."

"And?" she prompted, sensing there was more.

"In the words of a very wise man." He cleared his throat. "If someone asks if you're a god, you say yes. I figured this was close enough."

Luna pondered the answer for a moment. "Sensible," she stated. "Shall we pick out where to put our home?"

IIIIIIIIII

"Ms. Granger. I am quite sure that I've spent the last several decades eliminating all references to the ritual you just performed. Where did you learn of it?" his tone implied that he was not in the mood to play around.

"The Black library," the girl squeaked. "I've been corresponding with Sirius since the day the names came out of that damned cup."

"Of course." The old man's eyes closed. "In the future, Ms. Granger, please check with me before doing something like this again," he finished, sounding very old and very tired.

"Yes, Professor," the girl agreed. "Who was that?"

"You don't know?" has asked, surprised.

"The ritual said it would summon someone who could help Olivia with the tournament," the girl explained.

"I see." He nodded to himself and stroked his beard.

"Professor?" she asked, breaking his train of thought.

"Unless I'm much mistaken, that was Death and his handmaiden," Dumbledore replied.

"W-what?!" Hermione froze, a drop of urine soaking into her underwear as the enormity of her mistake hit her.

AN: Decided to play around with some cliches and tropes and to write it in the form of a pseudo-redux of the Odd Ideas 'Meaning of Fear' chapters with a much younger and happier couple. Will likely make Luna the master of death with the local wand/stone/cloak if I do any more of this. Not sure if or when that might happen, just happy that the urge to write is starting to return.

Awesomeness added by dogbertcarroll

Mistake noted by alshenk, Cassius Longinus


	2. Fudge's Dream Home

Disclaimer: There'll be peace when you are done.

Fudge's Dream Home

"Any ideas on what to do now?" Harry asked after they'd left Hogwarts, ducked back into the muggle world, and he'd had time to contemplate their situation. He stole a fry off Luna's plate while she took a sip of her soda.

"There's a lovely house, overlooking an adorable lake, not far from where your counterpart lives," Luna stated, sneaking a fishstick off his plate.

"So?" he asked, poking at her salad with his fork and claiming a tomato.

"So I was thinking that we might put a Fidelius on it so we had a place to stay while we contemplate our next move," Luna replied.

"What about the owners?" he asked curiously, catching the amusement hidden in her tone.

"Fudge," Luna said with a grin, "who happens to be just as big a bastard here as he was in our world."

"I withdraw my previous objection," Harry said pompously and was more than pleased by the amused giggle it elicited.

It didn't take long for them to find the place, a lovely little hundred room, seven story model, designed to resemble the roman villas that had dotted the country around two millennia previously. It was perfect, if a bit large, for their needs, and the two dozen elves kept it nice and clean. It had plenty of space to store their new possessions and enough space in the courtyard to hold impromptu broom races.

Thanks largely to what had formerly been the Headmaster's private library, they were quickly able to secure their new house and quickly set about planning their next move.

"To start with," Luna began, "I think it best that you take this." She pulled the wand she'd conned off the local Dumbledore and presented it to him hilt first.

"You keep it," Harry suggested.

"I really do believe it best that you take possession," Luna persisted. "I was not engaging in hyperbole when I mentioned your level of power as compared to the average witch or wizard and that wielding this wand in addition would insure victory in quite a few situations."

"I've already got the one from back home," Harry admitted with a grin, happy to be a step ahead of her for once.

Luna's head tilted to a rather odd angle as she contemplated what she'd just been told. "Should I assume that you also have possession of the other two items?" she asked hopefully.

"Yes," he replied simply.

"Hmmm?" she questioned, the expression on the girl's face implying that she'd just figured out something profound.

"Hmmm?" he prompted.

"I suppose that explains why we were summoned by the Rite of AshkEnte and where the cloaks came from," Luna said thoughtfully.

"The right of what?" he asked curiously.

"Rite of AshkEnte," she corrected. "It's a ritual used to summon Death," she explained.

"Oh." He wasn't sure what to think of that, the concept of Death as an individual still a foreign concept to the muggle raised wizard.

"One of my ancestors was fond of using it every time she wanted a good game of chess," Luna explained. "Her diaries state that the only problem with playing with him is that enchanted pieces get even more uncooperative than is usually the case."

"Ah." Harry licked his lips. "So what's he look like?"

"Yes," Luna replied, with a smile.

"What?" he asked confused.

"What do you think he looks like?" Luna replied. "Or she or it I suppose. That's what death looks like."

"Uh . . ." He tilted his head and tried to work out what she meant.

"It's all about what you expect to see, that's what you'll see," Luna explained. "At least that is the impression I have from reading the diaries of my ancestors that have had dealings with her."

"I think I understand. So what do you want to do now?"

"If you do not mind, I would like to retrieve the stone and then get a bit more information about this world than can be had in an old copy of the Daily Prophet." She pulled a copy of the paper out of her pocket.

"When did you get that?" he asked curiously.

"On our way out of the castle," Luna said. "There was a story on page four about the Minister's new home."

"How'd you learn he was a big enough bastard to take it from?" he questioned.

"Front page story is all about how your counterpart has been forced into the Triwizard tournament. It included a statement by the Minister complimenting your counterpart on the ingenuity needed to get past the age line along with a firm request to stop saying that someone else was responsible for her selection. What it did not state was that the tournament was being canceled or that the Department of Magical Law Enforcement was increasing security at Hogwarts or even some platitude about how the Ministry was going to get to the bottom of things."

"Her?"

"Olivia Black-Potter-Longbottom-Lupin-Pettigrew," Luna said calmly, "whom I believe is your counterpart in this world."

"I . . . Black-Potter-what?" Harry stared at her.

"She was apparently conceived of at one of those events in which one trades one's spouse to another," Luna said earnestly. "There was so much trading going on that there was some doubt as to her paternity."

"I . . . what?" Harry's eyes bulged. "You're joking."

"I am," Luna agreed solemnly. "I will admit to feeling a bit guilty at taking advantage of the situation to provide myself with a bit of cheap entertainment. Though not guilty enough to agree not to do similar in the future."

He chuckled and shook his head. "So how are we going to get her-" Harry froze as a thought occurred to him.

"Yes?" she asked.

"I just realized we don't have to," Harry said in a tone of wonder.

"We do not have to do what?" she asked curiously.

"Help her or anyone else," Harry said, sounding as if he were sharing the meaning of life the universe and everything. "We're free."

"We are," Luna agreed. "We are free to help her if we wish to and free to ignore her plight if we deem that a more prudent course of action. We are free to do whatever we wish, even cause loads of trouble, loot places to the bedrock and leave, we can always go to a new dimension after all."

"Whatever we want," Harry murmured, looking like he was about to go into shock.

"This world is our playground if we wish it to be," Luna agreed. "Now then. We've had a busy day and we likely have another one tomorrow so I think it's best if we both got to bed."

"Alright. I . . ." he trailed off when Luna took his hand. "Am not sure I'm ready for that."

"Neither of us should be alone right now," she said matter of factly. "We'll both be wearing pajamas and we won't do more than cuddle."

"Okay," he said in relief. He blushed bright red when a thought occurred to him. "Um."

Luna sighed, easily reading his expression. "A certain amount of accidental or even purposeful hand wandering is both acceptable and expected. I have already made my intentions for you quite clear, Harry, along with the fact that I am waiting to act on them until we are both emotionally ready."

"Luna," Harry said seriously, dropping to one knee, "will you be my girlfriend when I have a clear enough head?"

"Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!" She giggled. "Come on, let's go find the master bedroom."

"Hopefully it has a lot of space," Harry mumbled.

"Hmm?"

"Gin-" He took a deep breath. "Ginny was fond of sprawling out as much as she could and she was also a restless sleeper."

"I see," Luna said with a frown.

"Sorry," he apologized.

"It's normally considered bad form to discuss a past relationship with a potential relationship, but it's understandable in this case. As I said, I shall be here when you are ready to open up again," she promised.

"Thank you, Luna. I . . . thank you."

She squeezed his hand in response. "Should I assume, based on the fact that you have collected all three of the Hallows, that you know the location of the stone?"

"I know where it was in our original dimension," Harry replied.

"Shall we see if it's still there before going to Hogwarts to collect the third?"

IIIIIIIIII

The Minister was disheveled when Amelia arrived at his office for their daily meeting. The man's face was dirty and unshaven, his clothes rumpled, and the odor of stale sweat hung around him like smug around a Malfoy. It was a mystery to be sure, something which, despite the fact that she was generally duty bound to get to the bottom of, she had no intention of looking into. If nothing else, years on the job had taught her that some things were best left unknown.

"Are you ready to hear the daily brief, Minister?" she said neutrally, hoping against everything she held dear that the man didn't choose to unburden himself to her.

"Bugger the report! Aren't you going to ask why I'm in this state?" he demanded shrilly.

"I wouldn't wish to be perceived as someone who would poke their nose into the Minister's private business, sir," she replied.

"Oh." He gave a sensible nod. "Quite. I'd normally applaud such a sensible attitude, but not today."

"Sir?" 'Damn it!' she mentally cursed, while keeping her face neutral.

"Someone has stolen my house!" The Minister's fist came down on his desk with such force that it was only the large stack of perpetually half done paperwork that had cluttered his desk since he'd ascended to his current position that saved it from injury.

"Stolen your house?" she repeated. "Sir," she quickly added, only belatedly remembering to add the honorific.

"That can be the only explanation. I was to move into it yesterday and now I can't even remember where the blasted thing is. All of my things have already been moved into it and the new owners have already taken possession of my old one, so I had to spend the night here," he explained.

"Is there some reason you chose not to take a room at the Cauldron . . . sir?" She permitted herself a brief fantasy of herself in the role of Cromwell to his king, while waiting for him to form his reply.

"In the Cauldron? Like . . . like I wasn't even the Minister? No, Amelia, that would be quite impossible. The common sort might start putting on airs if they saw me acting like one of them outside of a carefully staged photo op." He gave a small chuckle at the ridiculousness of the idea.

"Of course, sir. I apologize for my lack of political acumen," she replied blandly.

"Not your fault, Amelia, you did come up through the Department after all. Handicaps you in these matters, as compared to those of us who were appointed to a higher position from the start," he said reasonably.

"As you say, sir. We can't all be fortunate enough to have an uncle on the Wizengamot to get us a job or smooth the way for us." It was an effort not to roll her eyes.

"Quite right, Amelia," Fudge agreed cheerfully. "Don't think I don't realize how fortunate I was not to have to make my way alone or that I don't appreciate just how remarkable your own ascendance was."

"As you say, sir."

"What were we talking about again?" he asked.

"The matter of your missing house." She sighed. "Sir."

"That's right." His expression darkened. "Who do you think did it? Let me warn you that they've done a devil of a job hiding their tracks, I can't even find the mention of it that was supposed have been in yesterday's paper."

Unnoticed by the Minister, the Director of Magical Law Enforcement's gaze sharpened as an idea formed.

"Perhaps we should explore the idea that your memories have been tampered with, sir," the Director said slowly.

"What do you mean, Amelia?" he asked curiously.

"You say that you had this house specially made, sir?" she reminded him.

"To my exact specifications," Fudge agreed.

"It's possible that it was never built and that the whole thing was a ruse to empty your accounts with a series of fraudulent charges," the Head of Magical Law Enforcement said, trying to sound as earnest as possible. "Do you remember who was to have built this new house of yours?"

"Lucius arranged the whole thing," Fudge said slowly.

"I see," she said, with as much fake nonchalance as she could put into those two syllables, hoping he was actually sharp enough to pick it up.

"Do . . . do you think his memories could have been modified too, Amelia?" he asked hopefully.

"I think it's something that will have to be investigated, Minister," the Director said, amazed that things were going so well. "I will, however, need a bit of help from you, sir, if we are going to resolve this situation quietly and in your favor."

"What do you need?"

"First of all, we are going to need to keep this all quiet from everyone," she stated firmly, sounding like the field Auror she'd once been. "Everyone to include Lucius Malfoy."

"Even Lucius? Amelia, I refuse to believe that a man of his breeding could be involved in something like this." He straightened his robes and tried to look firm, only managing to look like he was trying not to pass gas.

"I am sure you are correct, Minister. However we still must be sure that he does not become aware of even a hint of the investigation." The former Chief Auror allowed her voice to drop as she leaned in, "Sir, you are aware that Mr. Malfoy was charged with being a Death Eater at the conclusion of the late unpleasantness."

"The man was cleared of all charges!" he quickly exclaimed.

"As you say, Minister, cleared of all charges by reason of imperious curse," the veteran law enforcement officer said leadingly. "My concern, sir, is that a man with a track record of being highly susceptible to magics that effect the mind being involved in what appears to be a series of crimes directed against yourself involving magics that effect the mind."

"You think someone may have Lucius under one of the unforgivables!" Fudge squealed.

"I think it possible that he is in fact being controlled by the imperius or some similar sir," the Director stated calmly. "I know that it would be best to keep him in the dark until I have had a chance to investigate the situation, sir."

"You have to save him, Amelia!" Fudge's fist came down on his desk again. "Have your men pick him up and take him to St. Mungoes as soon as possible."

"I think that action would be premature at this time, Minister," the countries top magical cop said calmly. "For one thing, we can't be sure what spell might be controlling him, so it would be best to have whomever is behind this in custody before we risk mucking about inside his head."

"Of course," Fudge said, trying and failing to sound like he understood.

"For another, it would risk tipping our hands to the mastermind which in turn would make it much more difficult to apprehend them which in turn would increase the difficulty of recovering your house," she explained.

"Yes . . . yes, you're right of course, Amelia. Lucius can't know a thing until you've found the blackguards responsible for this terrible crime." He smiled, relieved.

"I'm glad you see it my way, sir." The woman's smile was shark like. "Permit me to tell you the immediate actions I'm going to take to remedy this situation. One, I am going to replace your normal security guards with some of my best Aurors. Your current people allowed this crime to happen under their very noses, meaning they can't be trusted with your security a moment longer."

"Assuming one of them didn't have something to do with it in the first place," Fudge said peevishly.

"As you say, sir. I'll have them reassigned to the Azkaban guard detail for the duration of the investigation, both to keep them isolated in case they were corrupted and to help express my displeasure at the poor job they've been doing."

"What else?" Fudge asked eagerly.

"I am going to need a signed writ from you, authorizing me to investigate every aspect of Lucius Malfoy's life down to the smallest detail. I am also going to need a signed statement, granting the Department of Magical Law Enforcement and myself blanket permission to examine every file and record concerning your person currently maintained, kept, or stored by Gringotts."

"Is that really necessary, Amelia?" Fudge asked.

"It is if you want me to guarantee an arrest at the end of my investigation, sir," the woman who remembered having to watch as the men who'd been responsible for the death of her predecessor receive pardons from the current Minister said firmly. "With it, I believe I can guarantee that at least one man will pay for what's been done."

"If you're sure, Amelia," he caved.

"I stake my job on it, Minister, it's one of the chief reasons I chose to stay in Law Enforcement after the late unpleasantness resolved itself, for the chance to put men like that where they belong."

"I'm glad you feel so strongly about this, Amelia," the Minister said happily. "It gives me hope that things will come to a favorable conclusion."

Amelia chose to wait in the Minister's outer office to guard the door herself while she sent her aide scurrying off to fetch a dozen of her best and most trustworthy Aurors to take over the Minister's protection detail. It was funny how the world worked sometimes, ten years of waiting and working and the thing she wanted most in the world just falls into her lap in a morning.

The grin on Moody's face upon hearing his orders was a sight to behold.

"One question before we begin, if I may, Amelia," the near retiree stated.

"Go for it," she said.

"Exactly how do you want me to handle Lucius Bloody Malfoy when the smug bastard comes demanding an audience with our esteemed Minister? You want me to tell him to bugger off or do you want me to let 'im in?"

"Have Flint inform Mister Malfoy that we have indications that the Minister's security was compromised and that no one is to be permitted to meet privately with the Minister without my express personal authorization until the situation has been resolved."

"Flint?"

"Good Auror from a bad family. She maintains close enough contact not to get tossed out and enough distance to keep them ignorant of the fact that she'd been dating a muggleborn since her fifth year."

The old man nodded, satisfied by the answer he'd been given.

"Parker," she called her aide over.

"Boss?"

"Have Potter come directly to my office the minute she decides to grace us with her presence this morning. Floo her and tell her to get her ass here if she hasn't arrived by nine."

"Got it, boss."

IIIIIIIIII

Harry awoke slowly, his body feeling as if it was in the possession of an overly affectionate octopus. She'd likely feel the same, he noted. Even their legs were twined together. Both drawing as much comfort as they could from the other.

Sleeping together had been a good idea, he thought to himself. He didn't even want to contemplate what the evening would have been like alone.

"Looks like our hands did do a bit of wandering last night," Luna chirped, regarding him thorough half lidded eyes.

"Yep." Making a sudden decision, he twitched his fingers, causing the girl to let out a surprised moan.

"Doing things like that is going to make me forget the plan to wait till you're in good enough condition to make things long term."

"Sorry to make you wait," he murmured, pulling her close.

"I'm sure it will be well worth it," Luna said brightly. "Shall we stay like this for a bit?"

"Yeah. It's nice."

AN: I have nothing to say about the above or anything else at the moment. 

Awesomeness added by dogbertcarroll

Omake: By Lord Veive

"For now," Luna repeated. "We shall return tomorrow. That will be sufficient time for you to retrieve my master's cloak." Then Luna pointed to the side and the room of requirements shifted around them.

"We shall also take a fragment of a soul for the fragment of time you are taking from us. Do not fret- there is one in that- Cup?" She blinked, then continued. "We shall require something that is ours from this world for every day that we must wait."

End omake.

There are a few ways I see this going.

1) Dumbledore plies Harry and Luna with pets that would make Hagrid weep with jealousy, and rituals that would make Tom's skin crawl. He taps into 150 years of the deepest, darkest secrets only known to people who took place in war operations or working at the executive level in the government in order to buy time. Things like the instructions for building the archway in the department of mysteries, instructions for breeding/making dementors, etc.

2) Dumbledore realizes there is a clock ticking and pulls out all of the stops. He has the hallows and the required number of Tom's horcruxes in a week or less.

3) Dumbledore is able to get a horcrux a day, but they aren't tom's:

"This is cuddles the destroyer, he's the man who translated the Horcrux ritual from ancient egyptian into latin. As you can see, he has been tranfigured into a shower stall, with a mild lust charm on him. Until recently he resided in the bathroom for the 7th year's girls of house hufflepuff." Dumbledore explained.

"That doesn't sound so bad." Luna observed.

"Cuddles preferred the company of other men." Dumbledore explained.

"Ah." 


	3. Smug and Sore

Disclaimer: Lay your weary head to rest.

Smug and Sore

Amelia looked up from her paperwork when her best investigator limped painfully into her office and settled down on the plushest chair with a groan.

"What happened to you?"

"James returned from a two week conference on healing in Geneva last night, my older children are at Hogwarts and we dropped our youngest off with Frank and Alice," Lily explained, sounding both smug and sore.

"Not to mention the stress of having your eldest in that damned tournament to work off," Amelia said with a wide grin. "I'm surprised you came into work today."

"I almost didn't," Lily admitted. "I'm willing to admit here, just between the two of us, that I may be getting a bit slow in my old age and that we may have overdone it a bit on stamina potions."

Amelia snorted. "Trust me, this is worth saving a sick day for."

"You finally get something on one of the bastards then?" Lily asked, her tone conveying that she held no hope that the answer would be to her liking.

"How would you like the chance to Fuck Lucius Malfoy and Fudge?" Amelia continued.

"Figuratively, I presume?" Lily grinned. "I've already named a child after you, guess I could have another to name after Edger."

"Our esteemed Minister has granted me a writ to investigate every aspect of his biggest donor's life and another granting me permission to access every record on him at Gringotts."

Lily closed her eyes, the smile on her face nothing short of angelic. "I'll start work in the afternoon."

"Not now?"

"Now?" The woman opened her eyes. "I'm going to go back home and use up the last of the stamina potions." She laughed. "I'll even let you join me since you gave me my heart's desire."

"The two of us together would kill James and I'm fairly sure Sirius would die of envy after he heard." Amelia snorted. "Have fun."

IIIIIIIIII

The grin on Luna's face couldn't be wider as she brandished her wand at the cursed item. A switch, a flick, and . . .

"Finite" Luna said triumphantly.

The curse was no more and the Dark Lord was about to lose another of his anchors, bringing him a step closer to his eternal reward.

"Are you sure it's okay now?" Harry asked doubtfully, eyeing the ring.

"You can dispel it yourself to, if it would make you feel better," Luna chirped.

"It just seems too easy," Harry mumbled. "What about the soul fragment?"

"Summoning charm," Luna said confidently.

"Summoning charm?" Harry snorted. "So all I have to do is say accio soul fragment and-" Black smoke emerged from the ring and formed into a young Tom Riddle. "No way."

The screaming apparition attempted to flee but was halted a dozen yards away from some unseen force that began drawing it closer and closer to the tip of Harry's wand. It's screams grew weaker and more frantic a more and more of its form was drawn into the elder wood until nothing remained.

"Told you it would work," Luna said cheerfully, admiring her new stone.

"So that happened," Harry muttered. "How?" He really hated life sometimes. What had taken months of daring do and constant threats to his life had been solved by a charm he'd learned in his second year, another from his fourth, and a super wand. Some days, he called them the days of the week, it didn't pay to be Harry Potter.

"We are here as Death's representatives," Luna pointed out reasonably.

"So we do have a mission from a higher power to hunt down and destroy Voldemort," Harry sighed. That did put a brighter spin on things, he supposed, implied that the easy way wouldn't have worked in the first world anyway.

"If we want to, I suppose." Luna shrugged. "I doubt it though."

"But you said we were here as Death's representatives?" Harry asked leadingly.

"And?" The girl seemed honestly confused by where her future boyfriend was taking this.

"Doesn't that mean we're responsible for hunting down anyone who tries to escape from Death?" Harry asked, just as confused by his soon to be paramour's obstinance.

"Why would it?" Luna cocked her head. "It's not like souls belong to Death or anything."

"Then?" Harry laughed. "Sorry, I'm just used to having to do everything myself. Luna, even though we don't have to do anything." He mentally cursed Dumbledore again and lamented the fact that they'd neglected to befoul the man's tomb before fleeing their original universe.

"Yes?"

"Do you mind if we make a quick stop on our way to Hogwarts to get your new cloak?"

"Hmmm?"

"Ritual to bring Voldemort back required one of his dad's bones," Harry explained.

"I take it the graveyard isn't far from here?" Luna giggled. "Let's vanish them one at a time and take turns transfiguring replacements."

"Winner is the one who transfigures a bone out of the most creative thing and gets-" Harry licked his lips. "-and gets a kiss from the loser."

"And after that the loser gets one from the winner to show that there's no hard feelings," Luna chirped.

"Deal."

IIIIIIIIII

Amelia's eyebrows rose when she saw her best investigator sitting at her desk working furiously on the case she'd been assigned less than an hour before.

"Thought you had plans for the morning?"

"Fucking Dumbledore," Lily growled, looking both angry and extremely frustrated. "Knew I should have blocked off the fucking floo."

"Anything I need to know about?"

"Probably," Lily snorted. "James has to turn a family heirloom over to buy back the Headmaster's life from its original owner. The heirloom's owner, not his life's," she clarified.

"What?" Amelia asked flatly.

"One of the students performed a dark summoning ritual in a misguided attempt to help my eldest," Lily sighed. "Luckily, the beings she summoned were willing to be reasonable about the whole thing and not consume her soul or anything like that."

"I wasn't informed about this because?" Amelia growled.

"Because apparently it's not illegal," Lily snorted. "Wizard logic."

"Explain!"

"The Ministry figures that anyone who succeeds will either be destroyed by the being they summoned, or be so powerful that it'd be better not to confront them, or be a Lovegood."

Amelia closed her eyes and counted to ten. "Wizards," she spat.

IIIIIIIIII

Sirius sighed in contentment as his hammock rocked back and fourth in the breeze. This was the life, that of a useless rich fop. No responsibilities, save those occasionally imposed on him by his friends and sort of fiancee of ten years.

"Slappy," he yawned. "Another drink."

"Mistress says Master is not to have another drink," the house elf squeaked. "Mistress says that Master is to get to her office right bloody now and to bring his less useless brother with him or Master will never get any drinks or snu-snu ever again."

"Snu? Do you mean sex?"

"Yes, Master," the creature squeaked.

Sirius sighed. This stank of responsibility and possibly commitment. Still, his curiosity was aroused. "Let her know I will be there shortly."

"Yes, Master." The creature disappeared.

"Wonder what has her up in arms now?" Sirius mumbled to himself. Ah well, likely nothing that mattered. "Now where would Reg be this time of day?"

The house elf reappeared. "Mistress wants Slappy to remind Master that Master is to wear clothes when Master leaves the house."

"If I must," Sirius sighed. "Take out my robe and wizard hat."

"Which ones, Master?"

"The gold robes and the glowing red hat," Sirius clarified.

"The ones Mistress said make her eyes bleed?"

"Those are the ones," Sirius said cheerfully. All part of his plan to get her to give up her silly idea of having him to wear clothing when not forced to by extreme weather. "Slappy."

"Yes, Master?" The elf reappeared with his robes.

"Inform my brother that we have an emergency meeting with the head of the DMLE immediately and that he is to drop everything he's doing and meet me in her office."

"Yes, Master."

With one last regretful look at his hammock, Sirius apparated to the Ministry.

He arrived at the entrance way and breezed past the Auror at the front desk without so much as a greeting.

"Wait!" the woman screamed. "You haven't had your wand checked yet."

"Not carrying it," Sirius said cheerfully. "Don't believe me, you're welcome to give me a pat down or even something more intimate if that would make you feel better."

"Boss'd have my ears for a new necklace," the Auror replied, backpedaling. "Suppose I could trust that you're not carrying your wand."

"Must you?" Sirius asked through half lidded eyes. "I'm related to a dangerous criminal, you know."

The woman snorted. "The Hero on the Inside, you mean. I know all about your brother."

"But-"

"Stop harassing her," a familiar voice ordered from the entryway. "Longer you do that, the longer I go without getting my wand checked and the longer that happens the longer it takes to get to the meeting and the longer it takes to get to the meeting the more likely it is that I miss one of my classes."

"Brother!" Sirius cried out cheerfully. "You got my elf."

"The message, anyway," the man agreed. "What's this about?"

"Not a clue, Reg," Sirius admitted. "Amelia sent the elf to me with the message that we were both required in her office."

"Along with her usual threats, I suppose?"

"Nothing more than a perfunctory one about withholding sex." 

"A serious matter as opposed to a Sirius one, then," Reg sighed. "Ten galleons it has something to do with the damned tournament."

"No bet," Sirius growled. "Any luck finding the bastard responsible?"

"Too many suspects," his brother sighed. "I'll let you know the second I find anything useful."

"Thanks." Sirius took a deep, calming breath. "Shall we?"

"Let's get this over with."

IIIIIIIIII

Harry and Luna appeared in the Forbidden Forest, just at the edge of Hogwarts' wards next to a chest high cairn of head sized stones.

"I didn't know this was here," Luna said in delight.

"S'hard to find if you don't already know about it," Harry replied. "Less of course, you come from the inside."

"Inside?" Luna regarded him for a moment. "Are you about to share one of those secrets that you're fond of pulling out every time you wish to impress me?"

"Yup," he agreed. "Check this out-Sssspt." With a soft grinding sound, the cairn disassembled itself, revealing the tunnel underneath."

IIIIIIIIII

It didn't take long for Amelia to brief her sort of fiance and his brother on the particulars of the situation at Hogwarts. Regulus began pacing and swearing immediately, Sirius? Sirius just looked confused.

"I'm confused," the man in question said, confirming her read on him. "I understand why Reg is here, he is the current Defense-"

"Practical Dueling," Regalus corrected.

"Whatever," Sirius shrugged. "As I was saying, I understand why Reg is here, but why bring me into this? Why not someone with the power to do something about it like one of the school governors?"

"You are one of the governors, Sirius," Amelia sighed.

"I am?" he asked in shock.

Amelia pinched the bridge of her nose. It did not make her feel at all better that she did not believe her sort of fiance was just acting dumb. "Why in the hell do I stay with you?"

Sirius got a devilish gleam in his eye as he prepared to give an answer.

"Never mind the question," Reg said quickly. "I'm sure it's something I wouldn't care to hear."

Sirius let out a breath. "So, now that we've established that I have the power to do something about this. The question is, what?"

IIIIIIIIII

To Luna's delight, the secret tunnels constructed leading out of the chamber of secrets allowed one to quickly get to every part of the castle without being detected. Her delight was muted a bit when she realized that navigation was an issue and that it was only possible thanks to the large number of peep holes installed by the passages' builders.

"I think we have to go up another level to get to the Headmaster's office," Harry stated uncertainly.

"You think?" she asked innocently.

"You were the one that wanted us to appear mysteriously," Harry stated. "I was perfectly happy to just-" he sighed. "Let me take another look."

"Well?"

"Look at her," Harry whispered.

Luna stretched as much as she could before giving up. "I'm going to need a bit of help," she admitted.

"Sorry." Harry wrapped his arms around her and lifted her so that her head was on the same level as his own. "See, the one with curly black hair."

"Quite pretty," Luna agreed. "However, I think it early in our relationship to spice things up that way. I believe it best to wait until at least our third year of marriage to bring in a third." The girl paused to consider the matter. "I believe the babysitter is traditional, but I must admit that I am unsure of how accurate my research material was."

"Hmwa?"

Luna lost the battle and dissolved into a flurry of giggles. "Never change, Harry."

"Uh-not, well . . . don't you think she looks a bit like me?"

"She's your alternate dimensional sister," Luna explained. "There was a picture in the rag."

"Ah."

"And, Harry."

"Yes?"

"Much as I enjoy being in your arms, you are going to have to let me go if we're going to make our meeting with the Headmaster."

AN: Got an almost twenty year old reference in the above. From back when the internet was free and everyone had their own badly designed site.


	4. Sirius Black, Serious Businessman

Disclaimer: Don't you cry no more.

Sirius Black, Serious Businessman

James was not in the best of moods when he arrived at Hogwarts. What had promised to be a morning filled with carnal delights to rival those of the night before had turned into what promised to be, well, that remained to be seen.

"Thank you for coming, James. Do you have the item?"

"I do," James agreed. "I'd like to state again how annoyed I am at the fact that you've bartered away one of my family's heirlooms."

"It's original owner was rather insistent," the old man sighed. "I am sorry, James, and I promise that I will do all within my power to make it up to both you and your family."

"I know you will, Headmaster." James tilted his head. "Any progress on the bloody tournament?"

"I'm afraid not," Dumbledore admitted. "Regulus has been working night and day to try to figure out how it was even possible and the most he can determine is that someone must have somehow confounded the cup."

"Lily's been trying to talk herself into taking some time to look at the matter herself," James continued. "I haven't been trying too hard to talk her out of it."

"I would of course welcome-" the old man froze.

"What is it?"

"They're in my office," Dumbledore whispered.

"How'd they get through your floo?"

"They didn't," Dumbledore replied. "The wards state they just appeared out of nothing." The old man spun on his heal and started towards the castle at a brisk pace. "Come, my boy, these are two guests that shouldn't be kept waiting."

IIIIIIIIII

Sirius remained in the Director's office after the meeting had concluded, always happy for an excuse to spend time with the most important woman in his life.

"I can't believe you forgot that you were one of Hogwarts'' governors," Amelia sniffed, getting in her opening salvo the moment the door to her office clicked shut.

"Do you know how many committees, boards, societies, and what not I'm a member of?" Sirius demanded. "Give a couple hundred thousand to a hospital and they put you on the board of directors, do the same for a school and they make you a governor. It's a wonder I remember that I'm on any of them. Mostly just assign a proxy and forget about it anyway."

"Yes." She regarded him through half lidded eyes. "I've often wondered how you got the Wizengamot to agree to seat a werewolf."

"I pointed out the facts that I'd keep coming if they didn't accept my proxy and that nothing in the rules stated I had to be clothed," Sirius replied, looking way too smug.

Amelia's lips twitched in a manner that Sirius found to be very distracting. That would do it, she supposed.

"And now I remember why I keep dating you." She said amusedly. "Exactly what did you mean by what not?"

Sirius reddened. "You have to understand, it all happened during the time you broke the engagement.

"What?" She regarded him flatly. "Do you have a secret illegitimate child or something?"

"Not exactly," Sirius' blush deepened. "Would you be angry if I did?"

"Not so much that you did, more that you'd decided to keep it a secret from me. Spit it out!"

"I'm the majority owner of fifteen companies," Sirius admitted. "I thought becoming a responsible businessman would help convince you to take me back."

"You . . ." Amelia was dumbfounded. "You're what?"

"Worst part is that, collectively, they bring in about ten times more than I can spend every month. I'm actually rebuilding the Black fortune." He sagged. "It's bloody embarrassing is what it is."

"You're . . . wait, is this why the Prophet never puts out anything negative about me?"

"Would you believe me if I said no?"

"Would I?"

"It'd be the truth," Sirius said quickly. "They leave you alone because I've got enough dirt to put a bit of pressure on the managing editor."

"How much?"

"Not enough to get him to leave Olivia alone or to denounce the ruddy tournament." Sirius stared down at his fists. "Ruddy useless godfather I turned out to be."

IIIIIIIIII

James clenched his jaw when he and the Headmaster entered the old man's office. Dumbledore had told him what the beings were and what they were capable. Who was he to judge if one of them decided to appear in the form of a perky looking blonde a year or two older than his daughter, even in a dark menacing hooded cloak it clashed with his mental image of how such a being should look. Especially with the hood down. The other being chose a more traditional appearance, the pureblood in him noted approvingly. This one was also wearing a dark cloak hooded cloak, hood up, with just enough shadow to conceal all but the lower half of the being's face. He thought the palpable aura of power and menace was a particularly nice touch.

Well, nothing to do but to get things over with. With a mental sigh, the man pulled the heirloom that had been in the Potter family for generations and presented it to the blonde.

"I am still searching for the third item," Dumbledore stated. "I'm afraid that I cannot at this time tell you how long it will take to find."

"Don't worry about finding that one," the little blonde said with a smile. A pale petite hand emerged from one of the robe's voluminous sleeves. "My master chose to retrieve it earlier today. It had no living owners so the old rules allowed us to retrieve it ourselves. Your student's debt, and by extension, your debt to us has been paid in full."

James noted with astonishment the fact that the Headmaster made no visible reaction at the news that the Sword of Damocles no longer sat over his head. Only man the dark lord ever feared indeed.

The old man nodded. "I see. Shall I assume that you will be leaving our plane of existence now that your business has been concluded."

"Mhmmmm." The little blonde tilted her head. "Not just yet, I think."

Only a faint tightening around the eyes betrayed the Headmaster's feelings. "Oh?"

"There are just a couple small bits of business my master and I would like to conclude before making our departure." The girl leaned in close. "Don't tell anyone, but it's nearly impossible to find a good chip shop on the other side."

"I see." Dumbledore nodded as if he'd just been told a great and profound truth.

"Life is something most people only get to experience once," the girl continued. "Very few people should be eager to give it up."

"Very few?" James couldn't help but asking.

"There aren't many absolutes in the world," the girl said with a wide grin. "I won't give you any examples. Mortals are not meant to be given all the answers, but I suppose it can't hurt to give you a small hint." She glanced around, as if searching for hidden eavesdroppers. "Nothing temporary matters, in the long run, and nothing lasts forever. Many people have trouble with that concept."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." The blonde straightened up. "Now then, would it be rude to ask for a tour of this fine castle? We haven't had a chance to see much and my master is particularly interested in seeing the left corridor on the seventh floor."

"Of course," Dumbledore agreed quickly. "My I ask why you'd like to see that particular location?"

"You may ask, but I may not answer," she giggled.

"I see."

"Not yet and perhaps not ever," the girl said. "But I suppose another hint won't hurt. Some people think that making the rules means they're immune from them. Others know that making the rules makes them even more binding."

James did his best to ignore the second, silent figure, as the 'tour' commenced. His few early attempts at conversation were ignored, he decided to respond in kind. Likely for the best, he decided, it was probably not a good idea to come to the notice of any of the otherworldly forces.

The girl was much less sedate, skipping cheerfully along as she kept up a stream of chatter about seemingly unrelated and unimportant matters.

"Here we are, the . . . interesting hallway you wished to see," Dumbledore announced.

"Master, you absolutely must take a look at this rather lovely piece of wall," the girl said, apparently fascinated by the stone work. "I wonder if it would be even more interesting if I looked at it from the other side?" She mused, taking a few steps to one side. "No, I think the first side was better." She took a few steps to the right. "Or was it?" A few more steps to the left. "I just can't decide."

Dumbledore watched with a small grin as a door appeared, it was always a wondrous thing when the castle choose to give up another of its secrets.

"Now the view is spoiled by this dreadful looking door," the girl huffed. She turned and shot Dumbledore a look of expectation.

"Perhaps there might be another bit of interesting wall on the other side?" the old man said thoughtfully.

"Perhaps there might be," the girl agreed brightly. "I had not thought of that. If you would, master?"

The male half of the pair silently opened the door and stepped inside.

"Nothing for it but to see what's inside," the girl stated. "Shall we?" She stepped in without waiting for a response.

"Shall we, James?"

"We may as well," he sighed.

The room was filled with wonders. Trunks, books, and all manner of things that hadn't been seen by human eyes for generations.

"What is this place?" Dumbledore asked, voice hushed. In the short time since he'd come in, he'd already seen three books thought lost to humanity.

"Proof that one should always take the opportunity to plumb every information source one can find," the girl stated. "House elves in this case. One never knows what lost items one might encounter. Why, one might even find an artifact of the founders such as-" she trailed off, regarding him with another look of expectation.

"Gryffindor's sword?" James ventured.

"I don't think that sort of thing would be put here, but one never knows," Luna said with a shrug. "Best being to ask about that would be an item of clothing, I think. Care to try again? You have three founders left."

"Hufflepuff's cup?" James tried again.

"Always seemed like the sort of thing that would be under heavy guard to me," the girl replied, sounding thoughtful. "But it's not the sort of thing I've given much consideration to." The girl looked around thoughtfully. "Although, now that I think of it, I'd imagine that if I were Voldemort and I had done some sort of terrible ritual involving Hufflepuff's cup, I do believe that I would have one of my faithful minions hide it in a vault at Gringotts. A female one, I think, since Hufflepuff was a female."

"Ravenclaw's diadem," Dumbledore pronounced, filing away everything the being had said for later investigation. "Unless the stories surrounding the Chamber of Secrets have been greatly exaggerated."

The girl grinned and flicked the Elder Wand. "Shall we find out?"

A silvery item shot out of the chaos and stopped a hands-with from the girl's face before tumbling to the ground.

"Is it?" the old man gasped.

"Infected with a bit of soul?" Luna interjected. "Yes."

"What?" She had both wizards' full attention.

"But that's nothing that can't be solved with a simple charm," she continued. "Accio, soul fragment."

James took an involuntary step back when the screaming wraith made a desperate attempt at him. Closer and closer it got, its howls turning predatory as it became certain that would soon be in possession of a new body.

"I think not," a deep voice growled. The second hooded figure raised its wand.

The wraith's howls became desperate as first its forward momentum was checked, then as it slowly began to be drawn into the dark figure's wand. First defiant, then pleading, the wraith's screams became fainter and fainter until the last wisps were gone.

The girl beamed. "Well, wasn't that something? I'm sure you two have a lot of sorting to do, what with all the junk in this room and all, might want to call the house elves in to help you, might not. In any case, I think it's time for my master and I to be on our way."

Albus watched as the two beings walked down the hall, around a corner, and disappeared from the castle. It was, he would later state, one of the most unusual days he'd ever experienced.

IIIIIIIIII

Harry pulled Luna into a hug and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek the moment the door to the secret passage had closed.

"What was that for?" Luna asked brightly, pulling him tight. "I ask, so that I can be sure to do it again in the future."

"Congratulations on collecting all three hallows and becoming the Master of Death," he replied.

"Mistress, surely." Luna reached up and gave him a kiss. "Congratulations yourself."

"So what do you want to do now?" Harry asked, enjoying the moment. Trust and intimacy went hand in hand, he reflected to himself, it was so much better when you knew your mind was your own and that your feelings were genuine. Love had to be real, the genuine thing could not be faked by potions. No one, but no one, could ever be fooled by potions if they'd experienced the genuine article. "Luna?"

"Yes, Harry?" She tilted her head up to make eye contact.

"I think I'm falling in love with you," he confessed. "It's like what I felt for Ginny, but better, much much better."

"Thank you, Harry." She kissed him again. "I think I started falling in love with you after our third DA meeting."

He pulled her tight, enjoying the closeness. "So what do you want to do now?"

"Hmmm?" She rubbed her cheek against his chest. "I believe I mentioned something to Dumbledore about a chip shop?"

"I meant after that?"

"I suppose we could enjoy each other's company in our new mansion for a while," Luna stated. "Care to commit a few more robberies after that?"

"One can never have enough gold, I suppose," he laughed.

AN: I use the word 'and' way too much. I will try to use it less in the future.

Scene improvement by Veive

Omake: The Old World

Draco had once called the Burrow a stinking pile of shit. How happy he'd have been to see that it had literally become so.

"Nearest we can tell, someone set off what had to have been the largest dung bomb in history in your sitting room," the lead Auror said to the patriarch of the Weasley clan. "You lot are lucky the wards held well enough to keep you alive till we could get here to dig you out."

"Yes," Arthur agreed. "Lucky."

"Well, I'm sure you all want nothing more than to take a shower or ten and gargle a dozen bottles of mouth wash, but before I let you go, I've got just one more question."

"What is it?"

"Is there anyone you can think of that might have a grudge against you or your family?" the Auror asked. "Be helpful if they were also tremendously powerful and had a grudge against, well, let's just say this sort of thing's been happening a lot over the last few days."

"Well, Mollywobbles, can you think of a tremendously powerful wizard we might have offended recently?" Arthur asked, his voice strangely calm. "One who might bear a grudge for something like, oh, I don't know, being dosed with love potion?"

IIIIIIIIII

Ron turned to regard his sort of girlfriend with a look of smug expectation.

"What?" she barked, knowing that it was going to be ages before she felt anything approaching clean.

"Admit it," Ron whispered. "All you have to do is say, 'you were right,' and I'll tell you that I told you so."

"Right about what?" the girl growled.

"About Harry not calming down after a day or two like you said he would," Ron stated, his grin widening. "It's been two days now and I can't think of anyone else that would blow up my house and try to drown me in dung."

"For one, there's absolutely no proof that Harry's the one that did this." The girl winced when she overheard the Auror describe exactly what had happened to what was left of the now impoverished Malfoy family. "Honestly, even if it was, you're the one who said he'd calm down in a week."

"You just don't want to admit that you're wrong," Ron laughed. "Who else would have the motivation, the opportunity, and the power to do all this?"

"You're just repeating what the Auror's saying, I doubt you even know what any of those words even mean."

"Well?" Ron persisted. "Who?"

"I haven't seen Luna around either and you don't see me blaming her for any of this, do you?"

"You mean the one person who loudly objected to what we were doing and promised that we would regret the day we were foolish enough to set ourselves against the most powerful wizard of the age?"

"Yes, Ron, I mean exactly that person. Luna may have the motivation but even if she does have the knowledge to pull something like this off, she doesn't have the power and she'd have never been able to get through the wards without the aid of someone that was already keyed into them," Hermione sniffed.

"You mean like Harry?" Ron asked innocently.

The girl paused for a few moments to consider what she'd just heard and just how bad it would be if the two joined forces. "Since this conversation is obviously going nowhere, I'm going to end it here in favor of getting clean."

"Fine. We can continue where we left off after you're done."

"I doubt I'll have the time since I'll be in Australia restoring my parents memories and we will likely choose to stay there for the foreseeable future in order to work out the issues between us which caused them to discount my opinions and for me to wipe their memories and build them new personalities. Good day." Chin high in the air, the girl spun on her heel and marched away at what a disinterested observer might call a high rate of speed.

One other thing the afore mentioned disinterested observer might have cause to note would be the squishing sounds her shoes made as she walked off.

Omake by: computercondottiere

Harry pulled Luna into a hug and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek the moment the door to the secret passage had closed.

"What was that for?" Luna asked brightly, pulling him tight. "I ask, so that I can be sure to do it again in the future."

"Congratulations on collecting all three hallows and becoming the Master of Death," he replied.

"Mistress of Death, surely," Luna retorted. "Though I'm still waiting for you to ask me to be your mistress... Mr Death."


	5. The Wonders of Polyjuice

Disclaimer: Once I rose above the noise and confusion

The Wonders of Polyjuice

Harry came fully awake the next morning when his questing hands came up empty. He was alone in bed. Opening his eyes, he found his missing paramour seated at a table facing another version of herself, apparently engaged in a game of chess.

"I believe that's mate," the left Luna stated calmly.

The right Luna glared at the board for a few moments as if willing it to transfigure itself into something more favorable.

"Unless of course you can see something I can't?" the left Luna prompted.

With a sigh, the right Luna reached up and knocked over her king. Shaking her head, the right Luna rose and, shooting Harry an unreadable look, faded away to nothingness.

"Harry!" the left, now sole Luna in the room, squealed. "Good morning."

"Good morning, Luna."

"Wait." She hastily concealed something behind her back. "Close your eyes, I want to surprise you with something."

The boy complied. "How long do you want me to keep them closed for?"

"Just a few more moments." He heard what sounded like robes hitting the floor. "Alright, you can open your eyes now."

His eyes widened and a wide grin appeared on his face. There was Luna, standing in the middle of the room wearing naught but a lacy black pair of panties, an equally lacy matching bra, and a rather nice hat.

"Well?"

"I'm going to have to close my eyes more often if this is what I'm going to see when I open them," Harry said enthusiastically.

"She said she thought you'd like them," Luna chirped. "What about the hat?" she added shyly.

"It's rather fetching on you."

"Thank you, Harry, I had hoped you'd think so." She stretched, arching her back and drawing his attention to a specific part of her body.

"I don't know when you had time to go shopping," the boy continued. "But it was time well spent."

"I didn't. I'm afraid I had a rather severe nightmare last night and did not feel it wise to go back to sleep."

"You should have woken me up," Harry said instantly. "Would have been nice to hold each other even if it wouldn't have helped you get back to sleep."

"You don't wake me when you have nightmares," Luna replied. "Do so and I will agree to wake you."

"Luna, I have a lot of nightmares."

"And I wish to help you work through them as much as you wish to help me work through mine. Deal?"

"Deal."

"Is your offer still good?"

"To hold you till you get back to sleep?" Harry asked. "Of course. I like holding you, Luna."

She climbed back onto the bed and settled herself in his arms. "As I was saying, I awoke early and did not wish to wake you so I arranged a game of chess to pass the time. My opponent asked if I'd be willing to trade a few things that while meaningless to us, would help her deal with a pesky accounting problem, so I told her that I wanted to complete the set."

"So those are?"

"Yes," Luna agreed. "I'm afraid she didn't have anything in your size but she promised she would by the next time I felt the need to have a game of chess."

IIIIIIIIII

Lily burst into Bones' office smiling wider than she had since the birth of her youngest child. She had it, everything she'd hoped for and more.

A matching grin soon adorned Amelia's face. "Went well, I take it?"

"Found all I need to send Lucius Malfoy to Azkaban for fifteen years, found all I need to give him Fudge as a roommate for the same amount of time, and all I need to remove nearly all of the Wizengamout members that might vote against sending such notables to prison."

"That all?" Amelia asked cheerfully. There it was, in her hands was the reason she'd put up with the stupidity, corruption, and incompetence so long. The chance to make the world better by removing several of the individuals that made it bad, the chance to get a measure of justice for those that had fallen in the last war, the chance to put right the fact that too many killers had walked free.

"I also got enough dirt on several other members of the Wizengamout that they're not going to be voting for anything I don't want them to be voting on," Lily chirped. "Careless of them to have such compromising material so easy to find."

"I'll just pretend I didn't hear that, shall I?" Amelia suggested dryly, trying her very best not to let any amusement color her tone of voice.

"By the way, In completely unrelated news, I don't think we'll have any trouble getting that budget increase passed," Lily finished with a wink.

"But I'm sure I liked the sound of whatever it was." Amelia lost the battle and allowed a giggle to escape her lips. "Damn good work, Lily. What do you need to finish things?"

"For you to look over my work to make sure I'm not missing anything and a dozen of our largest and meanest to make the arrests," she answered instantly. "Three more investigators and half a dozen of our most sadistic after that."

"Done. Why do you need the second group?"

"It's long past time I took a look at Hogwarts."

"Don't trust Reg to do it?"

Lily snorted. "Don't trust anyone that isn't me when we come down to it. Reg is a lovely man, a good investigator, a fearless warrior."

"But not producing results fast enough," Amelia agreed. "I'll let him know that you'll be there shortly to back him up."

Lily's lips pursed in annoyance.

"Well?" Amelia prompted.

The other woman let out a slow breath. "Fine, but I want another half dozen to be standing by in case I need to get nasty." 

"Done. We'll add them to the ones Reg already requested."

"Oh?"

"He's nearly as upset about what happened as you are," Amelia stated. "As am I for that matter."

IIIIIIIIII

Lucius was in his study enjoying a rather nice port after a morning romp with a muggle unfortunate enough to have strayed a bit too close to the manor. His lips twisted into a cruel smile as he contemplated ending the festivities. No, he decided, why not let nature take its course on this one. Be fun to see how long it would last before it finally succumbed.

The man took another sip of his port, this was the life. To be one of the powerful, the important, those above the petty considerations of lesser beings.

The man raised his glass for another sip and the world went white. Accompanying the flash was a blast that deafened him. Unable to see or hear, Lucius managed two stumbling steps before collapsing into a heap. The victim of a dozen stunners.

IIIIIIIIII

The look on Lucius' face after they woke him and put the manacles on him was one Lily would treasure to her dying day. With a mental note to have it immortalized so that future generations could appreciate her triumph, she went about the work of directing the teams her old partner had sent to search the place.

They found Lucius' unfortunate victim almost immediately. There was a lot magical healing could do, but even with all its advances it would never allow the poor soul to walk again without the assistance of a mechanical aid. After taking the child's statement, she directed her team to arrange a memory wipe and a story. Victim of a hit and run, an anonymous donation would later be made to cover all medical expenses and enough to cover many years of living expenses and education. It was the very least the magical world could do for the unfortunate child that had been victimized by one of their own.

IIIIIIIIII

The look on Lucius' face when they dragged him into lockup and past the cells containing the Minister and a dozen or so of his political allies was something Amelia would treasure for the rest of her life. Disbelief warred with outrage with horror with fear, she got to enjoy the whole spectrum. Amelia decided on the spot to buy a pensive, several of the other Aurors on scene decided the same. Three of the reporters made enough selling copies of their prints to double their pay for the week. Of the two dozen arrests they made that day, Lucius' was the most popular, but only by a small margin, just barely edging out Fudge's. In a flash, the face of the Wizengamout had changed and with it the government.

"Perkins!" Amelia called out.

"Boss?"

"Have the guard doubled on the prison and have a dozen sent to Hogsmead to back up Flint."

"Yes, boss."

IIIIIIIIII

Harry followed Luna down a maze of magical alleys he'd never had so much of an inkling of before. He'd only known of Diagon and it's less reputable cousin, perhaps he could take the time to explore them all at some point in the future?

"And we've arrived," Luna announced proudly.

Before them was a shop that appeared to be, paradoxically, both new and covered in years of grime at the same time. Two large security trolls flanked the door as the brightly lit blinking sign alternately promised 'live nude girls,' 'live nude men,' 'you got the gold, we'll show it to you with its clothes off.'

"Come on, Harry!" Luna said in excitement.

"We're going in there?"

"Yes, why?" the little blonde looked at him oddly.

"It doesn't seem like the place blokes get taken to by their girlfriends to," Harry admitted.

"You're basing that on?"

"Molly Bloody Weasley," Harry cursed. "Sorry, you're right, I'll try not to make that mistake again."

"Not your fault she's such a prude," Luna consoled her boyfriend to be.

"Thanks for being so understanding." He offered his arm. "Shall we?"

Luna took it. "We shall."

They were greeted by what Harry assumed, based on the heavy layer of makeup, to be a female goblin.

"What can I do for you, dahling?" the 'female?' goblin asked, licking 'her?' lips and giving Harry a look that promised untold carnal delights.

"A private room," Luna replied, handing the goblin an envelope. "Two hours using that."

"Of course," the goblin said with a sultry wink. "This way."

"Why are you staring?" Luna whispered.

"I'm trying to figure out if that goblin is a she," Harry whispered back.

"Why do you care?" Luna asked, sounding honestly curious.

"Oh." Harry paused. "Right, never mind."

The goblin led them to a private booth with a leather couch on one side that took up almost half of the space facing a window large enough to take up most of the wall.

"Enjoy yourselves," the goblin said over its shoulder as it stepped out.

They didn't have long to wait, after a couple minutes in the dark the music started, the lights came on, and a familiar figure began dancing on the other side of the window.

"Just because we've decided not to do anything until we're both emotionally ready is no reason not to let you know what you have to look forward to," Luna explained. "And, um-"

"Yes?" Harry pulled his eyes of the now topless figure to regard the girl next to him who was, to his surprise, bright red.

"Can I have a couple of your hairs?"

"Sure," Harry agreed. "It's only fair."

Luna harvested a couple Harry hairs and opened the door to hand them to the goblin who had been thoughtful enough to wait in the hall.

"Incidentally," she said as she rejoined Harry on the couch. "I believe I've discovered the point in which our realities diverged."

"Oh?"

"Your mother approached Regulus Black shortly after Sirius was kicked out of the family. He tried to hex her for being a mudblood and, after beating him quite soundly, she told him that despite being an idiot he was still Sirius' brother and by extension James' brother and by further extension her future brother-in-law and that she would be there to help him after he realized what a bloody idiot he was being by joining the bloody purists. Then she hexed him a few more times to drive home what a bad idea trying to hex her had been."

"So he did? Go to her, I mean."

"Yup. Became the Aurors' man on the inside, just like Snape was Dumbledore's." Luna snorted. "They call him 'the-hero-on-the-inside.' The public is convinced that he pretended to be a purist all along so he'd be recruited."

"Oh."

"He was able to get enough warning out after Voldemort learned of the prophecy so that a dozen aurors were waiting under the heaviest wards they could put up in six hours. Voldemort did not survive."

"Better for everyone."

"Except Voldemort, one presumes," Luna agreed.

AN: Unless you're dating Luna Lovegood, polyjuice strip clubs are probably not good places to go on a date. Actually, strip clubs in general are likely bad places. One chapter left, may write a sequel if the mood strikes.

Mistake noted by Ordieth

Typo by Eric Oppen

Omake: The Old World

The grizzled old Auror shook his head as he looked over the crime scene. It was ugly, one of the uglier things he'd ever seen happen to a man.

"I almost made it," Flitwick whispered. "I could have beaten it"

"What happened?"

"I'd managed to put enough distance between us to draw my wand and prepare a spell." Flitwick coughed, blood dying his lips red. "I got through the first flick, but I couldn't feel my wand channeling magic the way it normally does so I pushed in more." A shudder racked the Professor's body. "I felt a spell break as it transfigured itself back into its original form. I . . . I was so surprised to find myself holding a mummified horse penis that I didn't even think to start running again."

"There's been a lot of this sort of thing happening lately," the Auror said with false calm. "A whole hell of a lot."

"Like what?" Flitwick asked. "I need something to help take my mind off . . . off what happened."

"Someone filled Gringotts with treacle. Goblins are homeless and finished."

"Can't they dig the tunnels out?"

"Looks like the same someone emptied out all the vaults first. Goblins don't have the resources to dig it out themselves and no one that does is motivated to help them."

"Damn."

"Back to the main subject. You done anything that might have gotten you on the wrong side of Harry Potter or Luna Lovegood?"

"More what I failed to do, I'm afraid."

Omake for Chapter 4 by ntkaavya13 

Already frustrated with the morons that were called Aurors these days, Amelia was signing the mounds of paperwork that had to be done. It was all worth it, she thought, if her brother's killer could finally be brought to justice.

"Just the fine lady I was hoping to see this fine evening, Amelia," came an oily voice from the door that instantly put her on the edge.

"Malfoy," she said with so much ice it could freeze lava itself. "How may I help you?"

"Oh I was just passing by the halls, and thought a tea with a lovely maiden would be in order, to finish an already excellent day at the Ministry. The Minister was quite gracious to grant me an entry, lucky me."

She wasn't fooled for even a second, of course. No, she already had escape routes running in the back of her head.

"I'm quite busy as of now, Mr Malfoy. Could we have this meeting at a later date, perhaps?"

"That won't be necessary. Have one of your underlings sign the paperwork." He waved an unconcerned hand towards her desk.

Now something really was fishy.

As she was about to try yet another excuse, she heard another voice from the door.

Sirius Black entered the room with as much grace as a novice at a Chinese restaurant.

"Amelia!" he cried, "Aren't you ready yet? We were going to the beech today, didn't we?"

Oh how much she loved him, at that moment.

"Paperwork came up, Sirius. I was just finishing it before being interrupted by Mr Malfoy."

"Oh." He looked up to Malfoy as if he hadn't already known. "Are you done here, Malfoy?"

He sneered, and said, "This doesn't concern you, Black."

"Well then, chop chop Malfoy. Can't you see we're busy people here? Perhaps next time you'll schedule an appointment."

Malfoy was visibly disgruntled, but slowly went out of the door. "I'll remember this, Ms Bones." Was his parting comment.

"See that you do," Amelia said as the door closed.

She pounced on Sirius. "You. In bed. Now." she growled.

Sirius gave her a cocky grin even as he held her, turning on the spot. With a nearly silent pop sound both of them vanished.

End omake. 


	6. The End

Disclaimer: Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion

The End

The head teller's frown deepened as he listened to Dumbledore's explanation on exactly what was in his bank.

"There is nothing I would like more than to allow you to remove the . . . object." His lip curled in distaste. "The law is clear."

"What do you want?" Dumbledore asked bluntly.

"A few changes to our current treaty with the ministry," the goblin replied calmly. "Nothing too major,

"Raising account fees by how much?"

"Two or three hundred percent or so," the goblin said with a toothy grin. "With the agreement that we may increase them if forced to do so by raising operating expenses."

"The treaty states that a representative authorized by the chief wizard may enter the bank to destroy forbidden objects," Dumbledore rebutted.

"The treaty states that a representative from Gringotts must be the one to remove any objects from a vault for destruction. It further states that we may not remove anything else. While we concede that the . . . foulness is foul enough to trip the clause, the cup itself is not dark. As Gringotts has no way of removing the foulness without touching the cup, it is our position that the treaty forbids us from touching the cup. As the treaty also forbids your representative from entering the vault, we are at an impasse. Unless your Ministry agrees to the afore mentioned demands and a few other small concessions."

"What if my representative was able to destroy the foulness, as you call it, from outside the vault?" Dumbledore asked intently.

"If you are able to remove the . . . foulness without harming the object or entering the vault, Gringotts has no objections," the goblin conceded, confident that no such thing was possible.

"Wait here," Dumbledore commanded. The old wizard strode out of the bank, through the alley, and into the muggle world. "Point me to the nearest chip shop," he whispered, trusting the notice me nots on the street to keep the muggles from noticing.

To his relief, he found the couple he was looking for enjoying a late lunch.

IIIIIIIIII

Harry was feeling more than a bit mellow after the strip joint so he nearly didn't notice the old wizard's approach.

"Dumbledore's coming," he observed.

"Excuse me!" Luna yelled to the clerk. "Three orders, not two."

"What do you think he wants?"

"For us to destroy the last soul fragment and bugger off, I'd wager," Luna replied.

"Wait, would that be the last fragment?" Harry asked, trying to remember what they'd already done.

"Does it matter? I'm starting to get rather bored of this world."

"Probably a good idea to leave before they realize we're not death," Harry agreed. Or before anyone tried to slip him another love potion.

"Hello," Luna said loudly. "Have a seat, your order should be ready in just a bit."

"My order?" Dumbledore asked.

"You did come to enjoy the fish and chips, did you not?" Luna asked innocently. "I did warn you how hard it was to find a good shop on the other side."

"Yes," the old wizard agreed. "Of course." He turned towards the counter.

"Have a seat," Luna suggested. "We already ordered for you."

"Of course."

"Now!" Luna cheerfully announced the second their meal had been delivered. "What else was it you needed?"

"I've located another of those things we happened to run across when we were examining that particularly interesting bit of wall at Hogwarts," Dumbledore began, being very particular about his word choice. "It was at Gringotts as you absolutely did not hint, the problem is that the goblins are being difficult about it."

"Twisting things so they do not have to abide by any agreements and demanding more and more from you for the chance that they might?" Luna asked.

"Yes," the old wizard agreed. "I have managed to get them to agree that my chosen representative can remove the." He glanced around. "Taint from the object so long as they do not enter the vault."

"So?"

"Would the two of you be willing to act as my representatives?"

"I don't know," Luna mused. "Master and I were thinking of buying tickets for the tour of the Department of Mysteries and we heard you had to spend quite a bit of time waiting in line to get them so I'm just not sure we would have the time."

"I'm afraid there are no tours of the Department of Mysteries," Dumbledore stated. "At least not public ones, I would be happy to arrange a private tour if you would be willing to help me with this."

"I suppose we have a bit of time before we need to start packing," Luna agreed, finishing her last chip. "Shall we, master?"

IIIIIIIIII

Amelia pinched the bridge of her nose and slowly counted to one hundred. A three point drop in the bloody polls! She balled her fist and looked around her office for something to hit or break to bleed off some of her anger. Bloody Fudge had arranged to have her goddaughter entered into a bloody death match because he'd suffered a three bloody point drop in the bloody poles and was hoping the publicity would improve his bloody numbers.

With a scream of rage her fist impacted on her office door with enough force to crack the jam.

"You okay, boss," the head of her security detail was by her side in a flash.

"How'd you get in here without opening the bloody door?" she demanded.

"Interoffice portkey, boss," the guard replied. "You okay?"

"I am far from okay right now," Amelia growled. "I want two dozen on their way to Hogwarts right bloody now. One to arrest the Ministry toady Fudge sent to judge and the rest to prevent Potter from murdering the bastard when she finds out that the idiot was responsible for entering Olivia into the bloody tournament."

"What about Reg?"

"Damn it!" Amelia cursed. "Just get there before the word gets out. Anyone asks I ordered the arrest as part of the clean up."

IIIIIIIIII

Gringotts rules and regulations were, per treaty, written in English and available to all for a nominal fee. As the treaty had not defined nominal, the goblins interpreted it to mean sixty galleons an hour. The book of rules was ten thousand pages long and entirely filled a three foot by four foot book using the tiniest font the best goblin scribes could write. As a consequence, nearly everyone in the wizarding world was forced to hope the goblins were telling them the truth when they quoted some obscure regulation. It had gotten to the point that a large percentage of the wizarding world wasn't even aware that it was even possible to peruse the regulations themselves.

Luna and Harry had looted everything of value from Gringotts before they'd left their home universe in search of their fortunes. Unfortunately for the goblins, everything had included the rule book. Even more unfortunately, Luna had suffered a couple nightmares the day before and had decided to do a bit of light reading before her chess match.

Luna burst through the bank's front entrance with a grin splitting her face. "Here I am!"

"Are these your representatives?" the head teller asked, scorn dripping from every syllable.

"We are!" Luna agreed. "We have heard of your quandary. Rejoice, for we are willing to solve it for the standard fee specified on page six thousand one hundred fifty nine line seven."

The goblin sneered. "You are willing to do it? Gringotts was generous enough to permit you to waste valuable goblin time and you demand payment for it?"

Not liking the tone the goblin was using with his soon to be girlfriend, Harry stepped forward. "I will not be cheated," his whisper carried to every corner of the bank as a wave of cold seemed to blanket the room.

"We were willing to be nice," Luna agreed. "But, if you wish to do things that way. We will now take much much more as specified on page six hundred and forty three line seven. We also demand the standard penalty as specified on page seven line eighteen and a half."

"That line's written in invisible ink," the head teller said dumbly. "Meaning it's unenforce-"

A wizened goblin rushed into the room. "NO! Gringotts will gladly pay the fee and the penalty," the goblin wheezed. "Guards, seize the traitor that sullies Gringotts' good name."

The head teller didn't have the time to utter a single protest before he was bound and gagged.

"Gringotts would also like to offer you a further thirty percent as an apology for the rudeness of our representative. Axechuck." He indicated a guard. "Will be happy to escort your party to the vault."

"Thank you," Luna said cheerfully. "It's so wonderful to be able to deal with a reasonable being."

The wizened goblin sagged in relief when the odd party was gone.

"Who the hell are they that they get special treatment?" one of the guards demanded. "Why in the hell are we bending over backwards for a couple humans?"

"I was monitoring the wards," the wizened goblin replied. "They are not humans."

"What are they?"

"They are beings that the wards reported to be zeta level threats. You don't need to know anything beyond that," the wizened goblin said sternly. "Let none live who offend them, or none will live. Do not fail Gringotts in this, the future of the clan depends on it." He suppressed another shudder as he remembered just how much goblin blood the two had shed according to the wards.

To Dumbledore's intense and visible relief, the two took less than thirty seconds to destroy what he sincerely hoped was Voldemort's last anchor to the world. To his amazement, the goblins did not object when the two proceeded to loot the vault of everything of value.

"The rest will be waiting for us when we get back to the lobby," Luna said firmly.

"It shall be," their goblin escort agreed. "On behalf of the bank, we thank you for your forbearance."

IIIIIIIIII

Amelia handled Fudge's arrest herself, there were several reasons for this. Lily was her best friend, Lily was a popular Auror, the force had been very unhappy that Lily's daughter, a girl many considered to be the force's collective goddaughter, had been forced into the tournament. Then there was the fact that Fudge was a powerful politician, he had a lot of allies. In light of the first bit, she barely trusted herself the bring the son of a bitch in without expressing her extreme displeasure. In light of the second, she couldn't risk one of the bastard's allies retaliating against one of hers.

The sniveling worm blustered, he growled, he barked, and finally he wept when the cuffs closed around his wrists. With luck, someone would clue the bastard that prison was the safest place for him.

"You're making a mistake, Amelia," he said weakly as she drug him towards the cells. "I'll never see the inside of Azkaban."

"Maybe, but if that's the case you won't live to enjoy your freedom all that long." Looked like that someone was going to be her.

Fudge straightened a bit. "The court won't like the fact that you threatened me, Amelia, won't like it one bit."

"It's not a threat, it's a warning." Amelia stopped and locked her eyes on his. "You set up my bloody goddaughter to compete in a tournament that's killed people with years more training than she has. Let me put it another way, you set up Sirius' goddaughter, Lily's daughter, Reg's godniece. You think they won't hunt you down? Hell, even Remus bloody Lupin will help them end you. I'm all you got, Cornelius, I'm the only one that has even a snowball's chance of keeping you alive."

Fudge did not say another word for the rest of the walk to the cells.

IIIIIIIIII

Harry and Luna awoke early the next morning and left the bed late, choosing to spend the time cuddling and speaking softly about their plans and hopes. A quick breakfast and they were ready to face all the day had to offer.

"You know," Luna began, turning back to regard Fudge's dream home after they'd walked out the front door. "I'm going to miss this place?"

"Why?" Harry asked, using the same rune cluster to pack it that they'd used to loot their original world. "I'm sure we'll find some place good to set it up in the next world, no reason we have to steal another house."

"Yes," she agreed faintly. The girl took a moment to revise her estimate of his power level upward again. "I suppose you are correct."

"Shall we?" he asked, offering her his arm.

"We shall," she agreed. "To the Ministry!"

Dumbledore was waiting when they arrived. Oddly, the old man seemed to be the only one in the building as he led them through corridor after empty corridor.

"I arranged a bit of privacy," Dumbledore explained after Luna had pointed out how deserted the place was. A heavy Auror guard blocking any from entering any portion of the route was something Amelia had been only too happy to provide after he'd explained all of the particulars. "I didn't want your tour to be ruined by the crowd."

"How thoughtful of you," Luna said cheerfully. In short order, they found themselves standing before the veil. "Now then, master, do you have any idea why they think you're me? I must admit that I'm a touch miffed that they think I'm a mere handmaiden."

"I think it's probably because you said it was my wand, cloak, and rock that you were looking for."

"But it is, well, now anyway."

"I think that little nuance flew over their heads, I would recommend calling it your wand next time. Most people have a fairly linear view of time after all, let's not even get into most people's view on anything else."

"Alright, we'll do it your way this time." The couple took a step closer and paused. "Are you ready?"

"To make our something official?" Harry leaned in for a kiss. "Of course. Will you?"

"Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!" she stretched up a bit to complete the kiss. "I was referring to stepping through the veil. "

"Ah, sure."

Dumbledore's mind was running faster than the Express as he processed exactly what he'd heard. He'd been wrong, so very wrong. It was only what happened next that allowed him to regain his senses. The pair stepped through the veil and it seemed to collapse after them. It seemed the object had been a doorway to death's realm, it further seemed that death had decided to close it from her side.

AN: Well, that's another story down. Been a while since I've finished one. Had the above ending in mind since almost the day I started writing this, had the below epilogue in mind since shortly after.

Typo by Alysson deMerel

Redux: The Epilogue

To neither of the pair's surprise, they stepped through the veil in the death chamber and exited from the veil in the death chamber as if going from one room to another.

Harry reflexively raised a shield to block the flying man some inconsiderate so and so had thrown in their general direction and then, seeing a familiar noseless annoyance, summoned every soul fragment from the general vicinity. The annoyance collapsed, a familiar boy dropped to the ground screaming and clutching his forehead, and at least two dozen more screaming clouds of black smoke came from all directions to be absorbed into his wand.

"How bout this," Harry whispered. "Say something like, my master demands the return of my wand, or just start out by calling it your wand and don't even bother introducing me."

"Could work," Luna allowed, whispering back. "We'll try that. It doesn't work, we'll burn this world to the ground and go on to the next."

"Works for me."

"I HAVE HAD IT!" Luna screamed, allowing her gaze to sweep over combatants. "I'M TIRED OF YOU LOT THROWING THINGS THROUGH MY DOOR." She took a deep calming breath. "Well, if you're not responsible enough to have it around then I'm taking it back." A flick of her wand shrunk the Veil of Death which then flew into her waiting hand. "You!" she let her glare fall on Dumbledore.

"Me?" the ancient wizard replied, thinking frantically for a way to appease the no doubt powerful being.

"I was willing to let you use it, but this has gone on long enough." She disarmed the man. "I'm taking my wand back. Maybe I'll bring it back to this world in a couple of centuries after I calm down if I think you've learned your lesson." She snatched the death stick out of the old man's unresisting hands. "In fact, all of this." A wave of her wand shrunk and gathered everything from the department. "Is confiscated!"

An annoyed look still on her face, the little blonde grabbed her new boy friend's had and stormed through the mob towards the nearest exit. The former combatants, death eater and order alike melting out of their way as they went.

"I can't believe that worked," Harry said after they had put sufficient distance between them and the Chamber of Death.

Luna shrugged. "Most magic users are stupid. I figured that out when I was nine and saw just how few people bought subscriptions to the Quibbler.

AN: Fairly sure someone else came up with that last line but can't for the life of me remember who so I can give proper credit.

Typo by joeyzoot

Omake: The Original World, The Epilogue

The learned members of the Wizengamot met for an emergency session. Their world was under attack by their former savior, Harry Potter, the most powerful wizard of his generation. It was clear what they had to do, the vote on how to proceed was nothing but a formality.

It hadn't been easy to inform the public of the Ministry's response. Their usual methods were closed to them. Experts stated that it would be months before the damage to the Wizarding Wireless could be repaired and even the most battle hardened Auror shuddered at what had been done to the Prophet. In the end, they'd been forced to rely on a muggle printer to provide the broadsides and every one of the few remaining able bodied ministry employees to post them in public locations and to owl them to every known magical household. The message was short and too the point as the most important ones were.

'Potter, we surrender. The nation is yours, just please stop.'

The Ministry had fallen. Potter's revenge, as it would later be called, had brought the wizarding world to its knees. What Voldemort had spent his first rise failing to do, Harry Potter and Luna Lovegood achieved in a day.


End file.
